To all my Muslim Brothers and Sisters of that
special breed I share your plight! To be born in the West is to be born into
conflict. Not with a "them" or a "they" but with yourself.
Picture it; our parents left their retched homeland due to political, economic
and social instability, in search of hope and prosperity. With them to England,
America, France, Norway, etc, etc they bring a desire to learn, work hard and raise
their families. Some even begin to participate in the new countries political
and economic aspects and rise to prestige. Yet a problem occurs upon this
journey. These new faces also bring their old culture, a way of doing things
that is out dated in this new land. Though the good majority keeps a strict
separation between their old habits and their new home, it still has its
victims. The children, it is always the children. We first generation Muslims
are born into a situation that no one can leave unscathed. We are born to
families who have a particular set of conservative norms, while at the same
time we are born into a society that generally has very socially liberal norms.
Some of these norms in the west might not be universal, but they are common in
many places across the US and Europe such as free education for males and
females, intermixing of the sexes, science and reason over faith, dating, sex
outside of marriage, open homosexuality, freedom of speech regarding anything
including the sacred, etc, etc, this list can go on forever. This mixing of
cultures creates a conflict within the new generation of Muslim youth born into
this situation.
What
is the conflict you may be wondering? It is an internal conflict that Muslim
youth experience when growing up with two different cultures competing for
their attention. As stated above, Muslim youth grow up with a home culture and
a public culture that are not fully compatible. Therefore, as the Muslim child
grows and develops he/she begins to see the differences stack up. At school or
work they are able to mix with the sexes, in fact it might be necessary to collaborate
with the opposite sex to be able to complete a task. At home, they are discouraged,
in some cases more aggressively than others too not mix with the opposite sex,
to even refuse contact in any way with the opposite sex. Now having these two opposite
norms rubbing against one another conflict is sure to arise. A young Muslim with
any common sense will be able to see how he/she simply cannot go through life
without communicating with the opposite sex. In fact, some Muslim youth might
even go the extra mile and deduce that they can't go throughout life without
developing any sexual or emotional feelings toward the opposite sex. These
Muslims reach a completely new conflict. They want to pursue these sexual and
emotional desires, but they are told at home that these desires are immoral,
"haram" and forbidden. However, at school, on the media, etc young
Muslims see that it in fact it is considered normal to date, have sex, and fall
in love with members of the opposite sex. Yet by being told repeatedly that it
is wrong, they feel conflicted, even guilty when they try to pursue these
desires. This leads to a lot of inner turmoil, "do I pursue these desires
to make myself happy or do I refuse my emotional and sexual needs in order to follow
the norms my family has brought with them from a culture that seems incompatible
with their new home". This is just
one small example, there are obviously more such as the following conflict that
arose in the life of a member of a social media network. This young Muslim
female faced a conflict much more serious then say, a desire to have a sexual
or emotional relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
The anecdotal story told on that social media site speaks
volumes in regards to how some young Muslims are impacted by this conflict.
What
are the negative aspects of this conflict? Some young Muslims become
"lost" in the sense of they do not identify with their home culture
any more, but they lack enough social, physical, emotional, and mental
development to be able deal with this situation in a positive way. For example,
they begin, sometimes at a young age (16-20) to experiment with narcotics, alcohol,
sex, and intermixing not with just the opposite sex, but with uncivilized
individuals. This early start with these items can sometimes lead to early
trouble such as legal issues, a disinterest in education, and a lack of
planning for the future. These young Muslims thus have a good chance of
becoming "lost" and never really amounting to anything, simply
because they could not properly handle the conflicts within them and they
lacked any support from family or friends. Another aspect is a complete denial
of the norms of the society that they live in. For example females and males
will shun the Western norms, practice the hijab, isolate themselves from the
opposite sex, practice strict Islamic/cultural norms and live their life
according to the rules set down by their parents home culture. This is not a
bad thing per say as long as keep these norms in private and continue to
function as proper members of society as best they could, but in some
circumstances these individuals become too conservative in the sense that they attempt
to push their values upon others or place judgment and ridicule those who live
differently. Some of these conservative develop a sense of superiority when
they compare themselves to non-Muslims of the community and even when they
compare themselves to less pious Muslims in their community. Another aspect of
this conflict is a liberal or progressive path in which they adapt to some
aspects of the society that they live in such as drinking (socially),
intermixing of the sexes (stops short of dating possibly) and continue to
follow other parts of the religion, I.E. cherry picking what they want from the
faith. This path is usually done in secret and they do not in some cases share
their drinking or other still frowned upon activities with their family. These progressives
or liberals adapt the religion to fit their situation. Finally, another aspect
is to simply leave the faith, become an apostate and live your life the way you
desire without having to justify your actions by cherry picking from the faith.
These are all just scenarios, there are other possibilities that I have not
covered, or experienced.
My
solution to these conflicts is simple when looking at it, but very hard in
practice. It is simply to reject the home culture. Say goodbye to the norms of
your household and adapt the norms of the society you were born and grew up in.
Why you ask? Simple, if one does not abandon the conservative norms of your
home culture and adapt to the norms of the society you are living in then you
will have a difficult time. How can you expect to go throughout life not
talking to the opposite sex? How can you exceed academically when you are
forbidden to do it on your own terms? How can a young girl who has a tremendous
athletic ability develop her talent if she is forbidden to do so? The answer is
clear we must abandon the conservative norms of the home culture. How to do
this with the least amount of negative damage is the trick, and sadly, I do not
know how. All I know is that the conservative culture of our home life is not compatible
with the liberal/progressive norms of the society we all reside in.
Is
it possible to live your life adhering to the conservative norms? Yes, but it
is not ideal nor is it simple. My only message to you regardless of whether you
choose to embrace the progressive side or simply leave the faith in general is
to stay strong my friends.
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